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Letters to my Tinnitus

Following a mindfulness workshop session and learning to be compassionate to ourselves, support group members were asked to write a letter to their tinnitus. 

 

Dear tinnitus

 

Although I would prefer that you are not in my life, I have come to realise that we are now a partnership!

I can choose to be miserable for the rest of my life, or I can accept you will always be there, so I will take that on board, but I will not let you control me.

Muriel

 

Letter to my tinnitus by Audrey

 

We have lived together for almost 30 years now (since 17th July 1984) – yes I even remember the day when you first entered my life and decided to stay.  You had made a couple of attempts to visit me previously, usually in the middle of the night, but on those occasions you didn’t stay.  However, I must have eventually created the right conditions for you to stay indefinitely.

You distressed me at first as I found you completely overwhelming, demanding and manipulative.  Demanding my attention and taking control of my thoughts, feelings and life!   

I realise now that I had created the right conditions for you, accommodating you and nurturing you and always checking to see if you were still there.   Because you were unwelcome I was anxious and depressed and you loved this – just the right conditions on which you would thrive!

I chased around trying to find a way of getting rid of you but in so doing, I was, in fact, sustaining your presence.   No one had the answer for me – so I must find the answer myself.    

Why would I want to pay so much attention to something I didn’t want to hear?   

You weren’t actually doing me any physical harm but my reaction to your arrival in my life was reinforcing your domination of me.   What’s the point in “fighting” you when that will only give you a firmer hold.  So Ineeded to change!I needed to change the conditions that allowed you to survive and thrive!

You kept out of my way when I played music or surrounded myself with sounds that I enjoyed and when I started to live my life as I had always done before you arrived, you went into the background as it wasn’t comfortable for you.

Looking back, if I could change things in my life, I wouldn’t change you as I learned a lot about myself because of you.  You made me realise that every single day of my life is for living and enjoying, despite the obstacles along the way.  You also taught me that I have to accept the things I cannot change and that positive thoughts can influence the way I feel.

However, I was determined to make use of you!    I was the one in control now and I felt that maybe I would be able to use my experience to help others to change their thoughts and reactions to this “predator” (because that’s what it takes to change it from the sabre toothed tiger into the purring pussy cat!).

Without you, I wouldn’t have met so many lovely people, some of whom have become close friends.  Youenriched my life as I learned to embrace every moment of every day and to deal with life’s challenges in a more positive and appropriate way.

 

Audrey